22.

I turned 22 today. It's kind of weird, in a lot of ways. It's the first birthday I've spent at school in 4 years. It's also the first birthday in four years that I didn't hear from Dave. I feel old. I feel alone. I miss home, my family, and my friends.

And I miss having someone.

I'm not alone, I know that. I'm surrounded by amazing people all the time. I'm loved. I'm blessed. I'm so blessed to live the life I lead.

I know why I'm down. I know the reasons I'm lazy and apathetic and unmotivated. I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I know what I need to do to fix my mood and my attitude. I do know. I don't know why I won't just do it.

Looking back on the last four years of my life, I never would have thought I'd be where I am today at 22. I never thought I would still be struggling with the same issues. The perfect life I envisioned for myself is nowhere in sight.

The imperfect life God envisioned for me is in progress. Redemption is in progress.

The world is broken. They are broken. You are broken. I am broken.

Getting older has its perks. But I'm more broken at 22 than ever before. I need my Jesus more now than ever before.

This is a depressing blog. Sorry.

On a more positive note, Warped Tour is a possibility this summer.

God is good, even when I am not.

God is eternal, and I am 22.