I think that secret is yours.

We've all done it. We read PostSecret and think we spot one whose owner is one we know. Or knew. One of those. In the hustle and bustle of this holiday season, I forgot to look at this week's PostSecret. Or actually Winter beat my ISP's ass, and I couldn't get online for two days. One of those.

Anyway, I looked tonight and one of them... ah I just can't shake the handwriting or really even the secret itself. It's too fitting, too... true. (Sadly, it probably is true, even if someone else sent it.) Now I know you want to know which secret I think I recognize, or whose secret I think it is. But why would I reveal that?

So I searched my room for evidence of the handwriting in question, but I came up empty-handed.

I did end up finding a Christmas card from my grandpa that brought me to tears.

And I perused a box of pictures stashed on the top shelf of my closet.

As I stepped off the "ladder" aka a 24" bookshelf, well, my fat ass broke the bookshelf. A screw ripped into my pants (my man pants! my gray sweats! favorite comfy pants of all time!), I have scrapes and scratches, and I think I hit my head. There are splinters of wood everywhere. I didn't clean it up. I was too mad.

I get angry when I hurt myself.

I enjoyed looking through the pictures. I threw a lot of them away. I forgot some of them even existed. Most of them were from high school. I don't remember the last time I used a 35mm camera or developed a roll of film. Weird to think about in this age of digital everything. Even TV. My TV will be rendered useless on February 17th. Bullshit, that's what I say. Useless. Can't even sell it. Who would want to buy it?

This is a blog of rambling. I hope you're used to it by now.

I've been considering my future lately. This summer I'm going to do something different. Get out of McHenry. Do something purposeful.

My options are:
-Internship with TWLOHA in Cocoa, FL.
-Internship with Denver Rescue Mission in... Denver, CO.
-Internship with TOMS Shoes in Santa Monica, CA.

I'm praying and listening and pondering. We'll see where I'm lead. Where I'm accepted. What ways my plans are changed (God).

My secret is that I don't give a shit where I go. Where I'm lead. I care about one thing mostly, not all the time like I should, but mostly. I care about loving Jesus. Oh and I care about people too. I just want to be the change, cliche as it is. Just a light, a tiny little light in the darkness. I think I can do that, but not on my own, no not on my own.

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