Another semester.

I started classes again today. Sometimes I wonder what life will be like when I don't have things such as Syllabus Days and my ritualistic habit of filling my calendars out and adjusting to new schedules. What am I going to do when one day I wake up and day after day is the same thing? Ew. I don't want that. I don't want that life, America, I'm sorry.

But I'm not really sorry.

I'm learning to say no, to stand up, and to not apologize for it.

I guess when I think about the opposite of Corporate America, monotony, boredom, disgust, I don't know how I'll ever get anywhere. But why do I want to "get anywhere?" What does that even mean? Where am I trying to go?

Recently a new job opportunity has been dropped on my desk. Desk. I don't even want a desk. I don't want an office, but secretly it makes me feel cool that I have my own office with my name on the door and if I don't want to talk to anyone and I just want to daydream or just read case notes for the heck of it I can close my door and no one will bother me. And that makes me feel like an adult.

Can you see the tension between wanting success as the world presents it, and wanting to reject it and run after something else more meaningful and significant?

But who says the two have to be polar opposites? Why can't we make a difference, do something significant and meaningful, succeed at it, be the best at it?

Well I suppose it depends on why we want to do it.

Do we want to honor God with our lives?

I don't always want to. But today I do.

But that still doesn't give me the answers to what I should do this summer. I'm waiting, waiting, waiting. I'm not ready to know the answers yet.