Dear Self, Please Stop Over-analyzing Your Life.

"And that is the thing about life. You go walking along, thinking people are talking a language and exchanging ideas, but the whole time there is this deeper language people are really talking, and that language has nothing to do with ethics, fashion, or politics, but what it really has to do with is feeling important and valuable. What if the economy we are really dealing in life, what if the language we are really speaking in life, what if what we really want in life is relational?

Now this changes things quite a bit, because if the gospel of Jesus is just some formula I obey in order to get taken off the naughty list and put on the nice list, then it doesn't meet the deep need of the human condition, it doesn't interact with the great desire of my soul, and it has nothing to do with the hidden (or rather, obvious) language we are all speaking. But if it is more, if it is a story about humanity falling away from the community that named it, and an attempt to bring humanity back to that community, and if it is more than a series of ideas, but rather speaks directly into this basic human need we are feeling, then the gospel of Jesus is the most relevant message in the history of mankind."
Donald Miller, Searching For God Knows What


Let me be completely transparent here: I have no clue what I'm searching for. I mean, the obvious answer is God... but since when do the obvious answers satisfy?

Lately I've been wrestling with the thought that I may be following a god of convenience and wish-lists rather than the God of the Bible. I know the reconciliation that is possible through Christ. I know the God of the Bible is the Creator and Redeemer, and I know that only in Him will I find purpose and definition. But does my life reflect a desire for this relationship? It's something I know I need, but is it something I want?

If I choose to follow the god of a list of do's and don'ts, or the god of the nice and naughty list, or the god who works on a series of negotiations and gambles that I propose, my deepest need as a human is not fulfilled.

How could I be so immature?