I had a great weekend.

It was jam-packed, but it was great.

Friday, I got to Saundra's in Bloomington around 4. We talked and talked and had strawberry daiquris and talked and talked and ate pizza. Then we got ready to go out to downtown Bloomington... we had a great time. We concluded that both of us have changed a ton, but our good qualities have stayed and our friendship has picked up pretty much where it left off about 4 years ago. We've missed each other.

Saturday I left and went to Deb's for lunch... Megan and Mindy met me there. It was so good to see Deb and Brian and the kids... and the girls, of course, too. We played games and talked and ate and enjoyed each other's company.

We left there with just enough time for me to get ready for Corbin's wedding. About ten minutes before I left, I realized someone should go with me. So I offered it to Megan and Mindy, and Mindy ended up coming with. The wedding was nice and everyone looked great and it was good to hug Corbin. We hung out with Kate and Ryne, who are so good together - but everyone knew that years ago. :) Ryne has been sick, so he wasn't his normal, obnoxious, wonderful self, which was kinda sad. I missed it. During the wedding, the Cubs beat the Cards and clinched the NL Central Division Title... hell yeah! And of course I had to text Josh, who was sitting up at the head table, to rub it in a little bit. :)

Josh and I hung out after the wedding. We drank wine and talked and rehashed some things. Then we went to the unbeatable Lincoln bar scene (ha!) and talked some more. Last year when we hung out, it was awkward and weird and we lacked chemistry. This year was different.

He brought me to brunch with a bunch of people he knows (he knows a lot of people) the next morning. They were all really nice and welcoming and friendly and I had fun. The problem is sometimes I probably don't look like I'm enjoying myself because I'm not talking, but shockingly, I enjoy listening and observing just as much.

We went back to someone's house and took a tour of the newly renovated place. It looked great, but we didn't know what it looked like before to make much of a comparison. They had a creepy basement with a room they called the Silence of the Lambs Room... or the Serial Killer Room. Endearing, I know.

After that, I went back to the dorms and talked with the girls and watched a movie and went to dinner. Wes came with us. He's changed a little. When I first saw him, I said, "Wes! I've missed you, can I have a hug?" To which he responded, "Uh... maybe later." In the end, though, I got my hug, and it was good.

The moment I got in my car to leave, I cried. It seemed really ridiculous, but I couldn't conceal the sadness I felt. I'm still so glad I transferred and I think it was definitely the right decision for me, but I miss my girls. Coming to stay for the weekend and realizing that I was leaving was enough to force reality to sink in. Until now, I think I was still waiting for summer to end so I could come back to LCC.

Lately I'm becoming more emotional. Actually, I've always been emotional, but I've been hiding it for the last 3 years. I'm becoming myself again, and it's a damn good thing. Being vulnerable and open and transparent is still difficult, but over the last few weeks I've seen how fulfilling it actually is. It isn't a coincidence that while I've been closing myself off for the last three years, I've been battling loneliness all the way through.

Over the last few weeks, God's like, "Hey, do you trust me?" (I feel kind of like Peter, when Jesus asked him three times if he loved him. I've been trying to really HEAR what God is asking me instead of assuming what he means, but this is hard.) He's been questioning if I trust him to provide for my needs - my emotional and spiritual needs. I've never had a difficult time trusting him to provide for me physically, in terms of food, water, shelter, etc. My life is blessed in that regard. But emotionally, and sometimes spiritually, I have a tendency to try to rely on people rather than Jesus. And then I'm let down, because humans fail from time to time.

In the last month, God has completely fulfilled my need to be encouraged, to feel loved, to feel connected. He's taking care of me, and I'm doing my best to follow his lead. Trust is hard, but one of the most rewarding elements of a relationship... especially a relationship made possible because of Christ.


  1. I'm glad you were able to come for the weekend and that you really enjoyed your time here! I do feel as though I hardly saw you, and really didn't hardly talk to (even less that I saw you) - but it's true because I really didn't. Since everything that happened this weekend, I was kind of nervous that our friendship had changed a little because of it all. But I just wanted to thank you for calling me today because it gave me reassurance that we are still forever friends :) You and I will have to talk sometime soon about all that happened this weekend, just so you are up on what actually happened. haha! I hope you have a great week though and I love you very much! :) Thanks again for everything!

  2. Anonymous9:02 PM

    Jess! I'm so glad we got to sit down and talk like old times!! We miss you like crazy around here and you being back felt like you never left!

    Isn't it intersting how we all kinda struggle with the same things, but yet we feel as if we're the only ones going through it? I'm glad you're becoming yourself again...even though I didn't know you before...its a nice feeling to be that girl three years ago. :) haha

    I miss you and love you! I'm glad that I get this chance to be your friend! ***HUGS***

  3. Anonymous1:47 AM

    Josh seems like a sweet guy. Have fun with it. Don't start second-guessing yourself. It's your life, so live it..lol


    A good friend (whether you want to admit it or not.) ha