Dear Kennedy Expressway, I am too busy talking to God to obey your signs to reduce speed and your shouts to stay in my lane.

I started my summer class on Monday for May term. I absolutely love this class, so the fact that I'm stuck in a window-less classroom for 4 hours a day hardly fazes me. The class is Learning and Cognition. I love the topic, the conversation, the professor. 

No chance in the world I'd ever regret transferring to North Park. I mean, I know I'm going to be in school for a total of one million years, but whatever, right? Better late than never, and I'm late all the time. Not that I'm ok with being late all the time, because I'm not. I hate being late. Sometimes I'll skip the event altogether to avoid the embarrassment I feel at arriving late. Oh and let me tell you, the embarrassment is overwhelming sometimes. Debilitating, really. 

The other day I was driving to school to take a couple final exams. I hadn't studied much for one of them, I didn't finish a project that was due, I felt completely unprepared, and I was going to be 5-10 minutes late to my first final, depending on traffic. I didn't want to go. At all. I was flirting with the idea of skipping, but the consequences of that were too great to bear. The entire drive to class, I drove in silence. I prayed and prayed, nothing short of begging God to carry me through the day. Sometimes I am prideful, but I am not above asking God for help I cannot give myself. 

I ended up reading through several chapters of Psalms, yes while I was on the Kennedy driving into the city. I live on the wild side.
It's unbelievable and somehow surprising the way God changes hearts and lives and moments. But I'll tell you, he has done some major working in my life in the last several days. And I'll be honest, I've made some of the stupidest decisions of my life in those same days.

Even now I struggle to stick to the lines I've drawn for myself, to the boundaries God has called me to mind. I get why being human is so dang hard... but really, I don't. 

I have to make do with what I've got. And I've got nothing at all, yet I have more than I could have ever imagine possible.

No comments:

Post a Comment