My head hurts. I don't know if it's because of the TV or the infection or the antibiotics. My doctor says it's impetigo.
In this, God has revealed idols. Sin. I'm attached to my health. I value my appearance. I find comfort, since infancy, in holding my ears. In some ways I take it all for granted. In some ways I put too much stock in these earthly, seen things that cannot compare to the unseen I have in Christ. I don't take great care of myself - partially out of laziness, partially out of denial that I need care and rest.
The denial of that need comes from a broken place that says my value is in what I do, what I look like, how healthy I am.
But I'm learning. I'm humbled. I'm broken.
And I see my value and my worth crumbling - at least my definition of these things. In its place I'm truly learning, my heart is healing. My eyes are opening, and my soul is embracing - even if only for today - that my value and worth have been ascribed to me based on my Creator and my Savior.
Nothing more and nothing less.
His righteousness covers me, saves me, defines me, and changes me. It also reminds me and teaches me again when I've forgotten and lost my way.
I'm learning God's love for me is more important, more meaningful than my outward appearance and the approval of people. I may never fully get this, but today, this week, I'm growing.
I have been trying to balance everything. I have been striving. And God made me rest. I'm to be still and know He is God. And He is good.
This week I've entered a new season. A hard and good one. My sinful guts are being exposed and I have a choice to make. Do I let my idols go or shove them back inside? Do I hang on? How much do I love my sin and pain and shame?
Each day I get to choose. Grace allows me to make the good, right choice. I let them go. And God replaces my sinful guts with Himself. His peace. His grace. His goodness.
This painful season has a purpose; secondly for my good, but first and foremost for His glory. Nothing more, and certainly nothing less.